Memoryklok
by the Last Flowerchild
Summary: When everyone in Dethklok except Pickles loses their memories, the drummer convinces Toki that they're sleeping with each other. When the truth is revealed will Pickles be able to save their relationship? SLASH
1. Just A Stupid Joke

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****WARNINGS****

**Hey, it's slash...Pickles/Toki.**

**Drug/Alcohol usage**

**Bad Language**

**All that good stuff.**

**If you don't like, don't read.**

****DISCLAIMER****

**None of the characters are mine.**

_**Reviews are love.**_

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_"What is this I feel, why is it so real  
What am I to say  
It's only love, it's only pain  
It's only fear, that runs through my veins  
It's all the things you can't explain  
That make us human"_

_~Civil Twilight, Human_

**Chapter 1, Part 1**

**Things Lost**

**A SCREAM, THE SOUND OF METAL SCRAPING PAVEMENT...**everything goes black.

Pickles couldn't remember anything, only hurt and fear. He shifted a little and let out a painful groan. His voice broke as he asked thickly, "Huh? What happened?"

A voice came to him, awakening memories of flashing lights and the sirens of ambulances. "Pickles, are you awake?" Ofdensen asked. There came a long, heavy pause before he continued, "If you can hear me, just open your eyes or something."

Was it just him, or did Ofdensen sound uncharacteristically worried? The drummer let out another groan and with some difficulty, cracked open an eye. "I...uh..." he tried to sit up, but someone was holding him down. "Wh...What happened?"

He realized that what was holding him down was Ofdensen. His hand was resting firmly on the drummer's shoulder, gripping it so securely that it was painful. "Pickles," he said, "something's happened..."

The drummer's heart filled with a dull, pounding fear. He reached up, rubbed his eyes, and asked, "What happened?"

"Pickles?"

"Huh, yeah?"

"Do you..." Ofdensen hesitated before asking finally, "...can you tell me your name?"

He opened his eyes now and stared up at him. "Course I can," he said slowly, "I'm Pickles the drummer." The other man nodded in almost a solemn way and didn't speak again until Pickles asked, "Hey, dude, what the fuck happened? Who was drivin'?"

_He didn't remember much, but each minute that he spent awake he began reliving it...there had been a crash? He couldn't recall what he had felt, only that he had rolled his head to his left on the pavement—he had been lying face-down against the cold, gasoline-soaked road—and he had seen Toki lying there facing him. His pale blue eyes were closed, and blood tricked out of a corner of his mouth..._

"Pickles," Ofdensen said, breaking the drummer away from his thoughts, "please try and stay calm."

"What happened?" he yelled. The own volume of his voice surprised him, but it didn't seem to rattle Ofdensen, who just removed his hand from Pickles' shoulder and went to sit on a chair beside the hospital bed.

_...blood had been dripping from Toki's mouth, but he wasn't dead. The drummer knew he was still alive because he was reaching out, groping at the pavement with an empty hand. Pickles was numb. He laid there and let the Norwegian take his hand and squeeze it..._

"Where are 'dey?" Pickles asked, looking down. "Where are the others?"

"Pickles, this is hard for me to say, but they're-"

_...Nathan had been driving. They had just been going out for a few beers, trying to cut loose from their time spent in the studio working on the new album—just trying to be regular jack-offs. But no one knew how drunk Nathan was until they started driving home..._

"-all okay."

The drummer looked up, a look of shock on his face. "They're..._what?"_

"Okay," Ofdensen said, sighing a little. "They're all fine, but the accident was bad."

"Even Toki? He's okay?"

He gave the drummer a nod and said reassuringly, "Yes, Pickles, they're all fine. Even Toki." he paused before continuing, "But something very bad has happened. The accident was horrible..."

_...A scream echoed thru the dark streets as the Dethcycle skidded off the road. It had been Toki who had screamed, an instant before his body hit the pavement. Skwisgaar yelled out profanities, his Swedish dialect clearly distinguishable from the rest of Dethklok's cries..._

"...the accident was bad," Ofdensen repeated again, shaking his head. "Do you remember much?"

"I...uh, yeah," Pickles said, struggling to bring his mind back to the present. "I remember lots, I guess, but is everyone okay? Nobody—I dunno—_died_, did they?"

"No, I already told you that everyone's fine."

Pickles felt a little spark of anger flutter into his stomach, but he swallowed it down and asked, "Fine, but what's so bad about it if everyone's okay?"

"That's just it," Ofdensen said. "Everyone's _not _okay. You see, the accident was so bad that..." he sighed and wondered aloud, "How should I say this?"

"Say what?"

"The accident was so bad that you're really the only one who remembers anything."

He arched a pierced brow. "Only I...huh? Is 'dat it? So what if 'dey don't remember the stupid crash, at least they're all-"

"No, Pickles," Ofdensen broke in. "It's not just the accident that they've forgotten. It's everything."

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**Chapter 1, Part 2**

**Regrouping**

Pickles smiled awkwardly as he boarded the Dethcopter. The others were staring at him blankly. All of them had just checked out of the hospital; it had been a few days since the accident, and the doctors had said that they were all in good condition to begin continuing everyday life. The doctors also had analyzed Skwisgaar, Murderface, Toki, and Nathan and said that their memories would hopefully return to them in a short time. What they needed right now was a stimulus to keep their minds occupied and in the present.

In short, they had said, Pickles was pretty much singlehandedly in charge of _Dethklok _until the others regained their memory, and it was his job to help them reach that point.

As the drummer stepped on the Dethcopter and took his seat, it all seemed so hopeless. Nathan glared at Ofdensen and asked, "Hey, whose _he?"_

"That's Pickles. He's your drummer."

Pickles sat down next to Toki, biting his lip a little. Nathan was staring at him, his eyes full of hatred. "Yeah, well, I don't like him; he looks like a prick."

"Hey!" he exclaimed.

Next to him, Toki let out a little sigh and said, "Why we needs drummer again?"

Pickles' eyes grew wide. "You're kidding!" he stared at Ofdensen and asked, "You didn't tell them that we're a fucking band?"

He nodded. "I did. I told them that they were part of the most famous metal band in the world, but they didn't believe me."

"Ja, okay, so we sings metal?" Skwisgaar asked. Next to him was his old guitar, his Gibson. Only, unlike usual, he wasn't strumming it or even touching it. He sat staring at Ofdensen with a brow raised.

Pickles couldn't take it; he let his head fall into his hands. "No, Skwisgaar, _you _don't sing! Nathan sings!"

"Oh. Then why ammnest I in 'de bands?"

" 'Cause you're the fastest fucking guitarist in the whole world!"

"Then what ams I?" Toki questioned. " 'Cause that guy-" he pointed to Ofdensen, "-says I'm guitarist too!"

"Because you are," Pickles explained. "only your the second fastest."

"Why can'ts I be first fastest-est?"

"I dunno..." he glanced over at Skwisgaar, expecting him to say something that he usually did, like 'You can'ts be first fastest-skest because I am fastestkest.' or something like that. He didn't. Instead the blond glanced back over at his Gibson and began picking at his nails.

"Yes, well, it looks like you've got a handle on the situation, Pickles," Ofdensen said as he edged towards the door. "I'll just go see what's taking us so long to get off the ground."

"Wait, but-"

He went out the door. Pickles sighed and crossed his arms over his chest moodily. This was not fair at all, that he and he alone was in charge of putting _Dethklok _back together again...suddenly he got an idea. He could reform _Dethklok _any way he wanted now...he could be the leader...

"Hey, dildo, what are you shmiling at?" Murderface inquired. Pickles looked up and shrugged.

"I dunno, I was just thinkin'."

"Yeah, well I wash too, and I wash jusht wondering if you could tell ush what'sh up." he said. " 'Caushe that other guy that jusht left shaid that you're the only one out of all of ush that remembersh anything."

"Yeah, I guess, but I don't think you'd really want to know you're jab," Pickles said with a grin. Murderface nodded.

"Yeah, I wanna know, you Wishconshin dildo!"

"You play bass."

He frowned. "That'sh bad?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, the dude who plays bass gets, like, virtually no hot-slut-fan-chick ass. 'Dats usually for you, Skwisgaar." he addressed the guitarist and said, "Chicks can't get enough of you."

The Swede looked up and asked, "Whats?"

Pickles shrugged and said casually, "Oh, nothin', I was just sayin' about how you're always the one who fucks with the fan girls. I mean, me and Nathan usually get a lot of ass, but you...Gad, Ofdensen makes chicks sign paternity wavers before they can even see you."

"Paternity wavers? What ammnest 'dat?"

"It's complicated, that's why he deals with all that legal shit," the drummer explained as his fingers began drumming on the seat. He nodded to Toki and said, "He's the only one outta all of us who really doesn't fuck."

Toki scratched his head. "Fucks? What ams fucks mean?"

"I...uh..." Pickles felt his face turning red as he said, "Forget it."

They all grew silent. That's when an absurd—delicious-idea entered the drummer's mind. Why the hell not? Toki couldn't remember his past life anyway...Pickles swallowed and said loudly and confidently, "Yeah, and anyways, the girls don't really bother me none 'cause me an' Toki were always together..."

He said it offhandedly, just to see if it would work, if they would actually buy it. Just how clueless were they? Apparently very clueless, because in an instant they were all talking at once. Pickles ignored all of them, though, and only paid attention to Toki.

"What you means?"

"You know," he said under his breath, "you know we were _together, _right?"

"I...uh..."

Without hesitation, Pickles reached over and, biting back laughter, he wrapped his arms around Toki's waist. "You know, we were fuckin' together."

Toki arched a brow. "We were fuckings?"

"I...what?" He had just meant it as a bit of slipped profanity, but if the Norwegian was willing to believe as much as that, then the drummer would go along with him. "Yeah, sure."

This was too insane, too weird. Pickles didn't even really know why he was joking around like this, only that he actually _liked _it. Maybe it was because the memory of Toki lying in the street holding his hand had come racing back to him, or maybe it was because the Norwegian just looked so damn innocent and adorable.

"I mean, sure, yeah, we were fuckin' every damn night." he said loudly, scooting closer to Toki and draping an arm around his shoulders. The Norwegian accepted his touch with a shrug.

"Well, I guess if we were togethers..." and he leaned against Pickles and laid his head on his shoulder.

The drummer frowned, beginning to feel a little discomfort and embarrassment. He glanced over at Skwisgaar, Nathan, and Murderface. They all stared at him curiously. Pickles' face grew red, but he didn't shrug Toki off; there was something nice about this. He knew he shouldn't like it, that he was just joking, but somehow...somehow he did like it...

"So if you two are together—ain't 'dere words for 'dat?" Skwisgaar inquired, scratching his head. "Ja, I thinks it called faggot."

"Hey, don't call me a fag!" Pickles warned.

"Or what, dildo?"

"Or I'll...I'll beat you up...?" the words came out as almost a question. Skwisgaar laughed at this, and so did Nathan and Murderface.

"What did he shay?" Murderface lisped.

"He said he'd beat him up!" Nathan said, biting back more insane laughter.

"I will! I've put Skwisgaar in the haspital before," Pickles lied insanley, holding Toki closer in an effort to calm his rising anger. When everyone stared at him questioningly, he continued, "Yeah, and I've fuckin' killed Murderface too, so why don't everyone shut the fuck up?"

"I...wow." Nathan said. "I'm not sure I want to be in this fucking band anymore..."

"Yeah ya do," the drummer said, nodding. He ignored Toki as the Norwegian tried to discreetly kiss him on the cheek. "Yeah, and you'll see just how fuckin' brutal we are once we get to Mordhaus; we're goin' in the fucking recording studio, first thing."

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**Chapter 1, Part 3**

**The Best In The World**

An hour later, _Dethklok _had gathered in the recording studio like so many times before. Only now as Dick Knubbler stared at them from behind the glass, things were much different. Toki was standing next to Pickles, leaning against the wall lazily.

"Pickle, what ams I supposed to do again?"

"Just stand 'dere and look nice, okay?" he said before going over to Murderface. "Okay, whadda need help with?"

Murderface had interrupted the last recording. Now he glared at the drummer and said, "I don't know how to play thish thing."

"What're you talkin' about? Look, here," Pickles took the bass from him and imitated Murderface's normal pose that he used while playing. This made the bassist frown and arch a brow.

"Sho you're shaying that I shtand on shtage like a fag?"

He shrugged. "I dunno, call it what you want. And what about you, Skwisgaar? I didn't even hear your guitar on that last one. Toki is only the rhythm guitarist; he can't keep pickin' up your slack."

"Why can'ts I? You don't thinks I can dos it?" Toki asked, throwing down his guitar. Pickles hurried back over to him, grabbed his wrist, and pulled him in for a little kiss.

"No, okay, look. Just calm down so we can-"

"I have a problem with this whole...umm...situation." Nathan said. He put down his microphone and said in his deep voice, "I can't remember any of these fucking lyrics."

Pickles rolled his eyes, took and deep breath, and said thru clenched teeth, "Okay, look; I can't help all you guys at once. Nathan, we can try to sing this song called _Hatredcopter, _'cause 'dats one where we can _both _sing it. Just keep up with me and follow my cues and-"

"I thought that you said that I was the singer."

"You are, but how're you gonna sing if you can't remember any of your lyrics?"

"I wants to try somethings," Toki blurted.

Pickles turned to him and asked impatiently, "Yeah, what?"

"I wants to be lead guitarist!"

"I...listen, you can't do 'dat."

His face fell. "But why nots?"

"Because you just—you can't." he sighed and went to sit at his drums again. "Fine. What the fuck do we have to lose? Go ahead and just play."

He braced himself to hear something truly atrocious, for Toki to start breaking guitar strings, but this didn't come. What did come was the full, heavy solo that had once belonged to Skwisgaar—_Crush My Battle Opponent's Balls. _He played it perfectly and ended it flawlessly. When he was done, everyone was staring at him with wide eyes, even Knubbler, whose voice came into the recording room.

"Hey, Pickles? Could you come back here and talk with me for a quick sec?"

He could only nod and stumble out of the room. Once he was with Dick Knubbler, he exclaimed, "What the fuck was that? That was great!"

The other man nodded. "I know!"

"Well what're we gonna do? Skwisgaar don't even remember how to play his fuckin' guitar no more..." Pickles' voice trailed off. Knubblers looked grave.

"You know what we gotta do, man."

He nodded then went out the door again. He wasn't as excited as before, and whenever he went back into the recording studio everyone was staring at him. "What?" Pickles asked.

"We could hears everything you two was sayings," Skwisgaar said, looking down.

"Oh...well how'd that happen?"

"The talk-back mic was on, dildo," Nathan answered, glaring at him. "And I've got to say that what you're doing is pretty fucking brutal."

Murderface nodded. "Yeah, I agree totally. I mean, throwing shomeone under the bush jusht sho you can record a shtupid album for shome extra money that you don't need..."

"How do you know how much money I need?"

"I knows 'cause you say that we most famous-skest band in world!" Skwisgaar said, pouting. Then he threw down his Gibson and proceeded to stomp out of the recording studio, saying, "Fucks it, stupids, dildos idiot!"

"Okay, we'll see you laters!" Toki said, grinning. Pickles frowned at this. He went up to the Norwegian and reached for his hand. It was soft, warm. Nice.

"Hey, how'd you remember that stupid solo anyways? I thought you couldn't remember anything."

He shrugged. "I just plays what happens."

This didn't really make much sense to Pickles, but then again, nothing much _ever _made sense to him, so without further hesitation he sat down at his drum kit and picked up his drum sticks. He beat them together once the announced, "Okay, so what we're gonna do now is...ah...well, since none of you know how to play anything anyways, you two—yeah, Nathan and Murderface—should get outta the studio right now and-"

"Uh Pickles, I don't think that that's such a hot idea," Dick Knubbler's said. Pickles peered back over and thru the glass and stuck up his middle finger.

"Fuck you too, then, you dildo! I'm in charge now, and I call the shots, so you can leave with 'dem! We don't need you here!"

"Pickle, maybe we shoulds-"

"No, no, Toki, that's fine, I'll just be going. Call me when you're ready to record some real music." Knubbler said, leaving the studio along with Nathan and Murderface.

Once they were gone, Pickles let out a sigh and breathed, "Finally." then he turned to Toki and grinned. He picked up a tequila bottle that he had put next to his drums and took a sip before offering the Norwegian some.

Toki declined. "No, you knows I don'ts—sure, what the fucks ever." and he reached forward, took the bottle, and took a long drink. Pickles watched him, his eyes wide and hungry.

He didn't catch the first part of the guitarist's sentence—_No, you knows I don'ts—_and if he had he might've asked how Toki knew what he _usually _did in the first place. He didn't, though. He was too busy getting to his feet, taking the bottle back, and wrapping his arms around Toki's shoulders. He leaned close to him and said softly, "You know what I wanna do?"

"I...uh, ja, Pickle?"

He sounded fearful, almost scared. Pickles acknowledged this, and instead of saying what he actually was thinking he suggested, "I'm think about kissin' you right now."

It was insane, really. He hadn't always felt this attraction to Toki, but it seemed to him that he had almost lost the Norwegian in the crash. He had lost some part of him to a degree—referring, of course, to his memory—but perhaps he could fix him. Pickles trembled at the thought of fixing him. He'd never fixed anything before in his life, only made it worse, but it seemed that just being with Toki turned his luck around...turned his whole world around.

He leaned forward and kissed Toki right on the lips again and again. His breath smelled strongly of tequila, but Toki didn't seem to mind as he wrapped his legs around the drummer's hips and began kissing him feverishly, as if it was the last thing he'd ever be able to do. This surprised Pickles, made him become motionless for a moment, but he soon regained his senses and fell back against his drum kit, accepting Toki's shower of affection.

"T-Toki, you don't mind it, huh?"

"Minds what?" he panted, pulling away from him for a second.

Pickles swallowed and said, "Mind it if I give you a solo?"

"Oh my Gods, I loves you!" he blurted. It was clear, though, that he really didn't truly _love _Pickles like _that—_it was just the sort of casual 'I love you' that friends sometimes exchanged. Still, it was quite a change form the band's old no-emotion-brutality thing.

Pickles accepted another long, deep kiss on the lips before he nodded and said, " 'Cause honestly, I always thought you were better than that stupid dildo Skwisgaar, anyway."

Toki's eyes lit up. "Reallys?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Wowee, you ams so greats! I know why we was always togethers now!"

The drummer chuckled and turned a light shade of pink at this. "I...uh, right—always together. Anyways, I think that now you're the best guitarist in the world."

"You means it?"

"Yep."

Toki let out a squeal of delight and hugged Pickles tightly before releasing him and saying, "You knows what I wants to do? I wants to do something really good for you—like you ams doing for me right now."

"Okay, what?" he asked nervously.

The Norwegian grinned and suggested innocently, "Somethings really, _really _nice, but I gots to wait..."

"What?" Pickles said, let down. "Why?"

" 'Cause we gots to have bed first, stupids!"

"Oh, _'dat."_

His previous visions of Toki came rushing back to him, and the drummer tried not show it—he tried not to show just how hot picturing Toki naked was making him. Then he put his hands behind Toki's back and forced him close up against the wall. Toki grinned and let Pickles kiss him some more.

"Oh, this ams _nice, _Pickle. You kiss good."

"Yeah, I know."

"I likes you a lot."

He gave him one of his characteristic half-smiles and said, "That's nice, 'cause we're together, right?"

Toki nodded and put his hands in the pockets of Pickles' pants. It was an odd gesture, but neither really cared much. Having Toki _that _close to him just made Pickles' face grow hot. He went to kiss the Norwegian again, but this time Toki pulled away and said, "Nu-uhs. We still haves all later todays, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"And tonights I ams sleepings in your room?"

"Yeah, I guess s—wait a minute, you're _what?"_

"I ams sleepings in your room, right?" Toki inquired. "Ain't that what peoples do when they're togethers?"

Pickles' head was spinning as he nodded. "Uh-huh, fuck _yes. _Yes, yes, yes! That's what people do, yes!" he was nearly cheering it now, excited for what it meant. Toki laughed at this.

"You ams a little _too _excited, Pickle." then he jumped out of Pickles' arms and went out the door, saying cheerfully, "And tonights, I gives you the best present ever for my solo."

But secretly Pickles already thought that he had the best present ever; he had Toki, he had _Dethklok, _he had the money—what could go wrong now?

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****A/N****

**Awww that's a cute chapter, huh? Hope you enjoyed it and review it. I would love you for reviewing it. This story's been sitting on my flashdrive collecting dust for a few months, so I decided to finally bite the bullet, finish it, and proofread it. Also, I think it's worth mentioning that yes, Pickles will say things like 'aff' instead of off and 'jab' instead of job, but he has an accent, so that's how I'll type him. No, it's not me being stupid and misspelling things. **

**Peace, Love, TOKI/PICKLES**


	2. Make A Promise

**Chapter 2, Part 1**

**Something Gained**

That day was largely uneventful. The best part was when, after a long day of screwing around in the Mordhaus, Pickles walked Toki all the way back up to his room, holding his hand and swinging it almost playfully. Once he reached the door, he grinned and gave the Norwegian a little kiss on the lips before pulling away.

Pickles lead Toki inside, threw him on the bed, and then locked the door. "We're gonna have fun tonight?"

Toki bit his lip. He seemed scared and almost embarrassed, but he nodded all the same and said quietly, "Ja, lots of fun."

"Good. Take off your shirt or somethin'."

He watched with desire in his eyes as Toki slowly began removed his shirt. It was then that Pickles noticed that with each movement he made, the Norwegian grimaced in pain. Suddenly he felt disgusting and guilty as he watched the guitarist throw his shirt to the floor with a look of severe pain on his face. His torso was so bruised and beaten. Stitched cuts ran across his back, winding their way down his spine. The worst one began at his lower back and ran around to his front collarbone. Pickles gasped and went over to him. He gently placed a hand on Toki's chest.

"What the fuck..." and he remembered the whole reason that they were here doing this to begin with. The accident. He swallowed, reached for Toki's shirt, and handed it to the guitarist. "Put it on. Now."

"Buts I-"

"No. Look, just do it."

"Pickle...I...I don'ts really remember when I got all these cuts and stuffs, but maybe you coulds tells me..." he stared into Pickles' green eyes and asked, "Maybe you coulds tells me what happened?"

"We were drunk and we crashed, that's all."

"But do you remembers me?"

"I...yeah, I guess."

"How you do?"

"I...uh..." it took a moment for Pickles to realize that Toki was asking him what he remembered about him. He took a deep breath and said, "You were the first one I saw once I opened my eyes. You were really still, and-"

"You gots scared?"

He nodded. "Fuck yeah. Terrified."

Toki frowned and looked down. He gently ran his finger along one of the stitched gashes along his collarbone. "I hurt." then he asked, his voice breaking a little, "Why was you scared?"

" 'Cause I thought you were dead."

"Oh. I...I guess I _looks _it?"

Pickles said with some difficulty, "Yeah, you did. There was blood, a lot of blood dripping from your mouth, and your hands were covered in it..." his voice trailed off for a second before he said quietly to himself almost, "...your fucking head..."

Toki arched a brow. "My head?"

"Yeah, you were bleeding everywhere. I got really scared and then-"

"Then whats?"

"You held my hand." suddenly he noticed that he was crying. He wiped the tears away furiously before admitting, "Yeah, it was the worst thing I ever seen in my whole life, it really was. You were just so _cold _looking, so-"

"Deads?"

He shrugged and muttered, "Yeah, I guess so."

Toki leaned forward and, with a delicate touch, wiped some of the tears from Pickles' cheeks. Then he kissed his forehead and said, "Well I'ms still alive, so that's all that important, right?"

"Yeah, I guess." he paused before rising to his feet and going over to his bed. After he had taken a seat next to Toki, he added, "Just chill out; we're not fucking tonight."

"But I thoughts that you said-"

"C'mon, Toki, look at you!" he exclaimed, motioning to the Norwegian's bare chest. "You're totally wrecked! No, absolutely nat! I'm nat layin' a hand on you until you're better!"

Toki shrugged stiffly and removed his boots. He laid back in the bed next to Pickles and laid his head on his arm. The drummer let him lie there as his fingers distractedly began winding some of the guitarist's long, brown hair. Then he sighed and closed his eyes.

"Today was bad," he thought aloud. "Really bad."

"It'll gets better?"

"Huh?" he opened his eyes; he had nearly forgotten that Toki was still with him. "What do you mean?"

Toki snuggled up to him a little more and said warmly, "Just has to gets better. There ams no way that it could gets worse, right?"

"I dunno. I guess not."

As Toki talked, Pickles became more and more aware of how nice this was. How could he have ever held anyone else like this? The stupid fan girls? Toki was perfect for this. Their bodies fit together so amazingly, but as the guitarist reached up and slipped his hand into drummer's, Pickles felt very _odd. _

A warm feeling had come to him. It had began in his chest and was spreading very quickly thru his entire being...he was in love?

No.

He was enjoying this as more than a game?

Absolutely not.

Toki let out a small, tired little sigh and breathed, "I'ms tired; can I go to sleep no-"

"Yeah, yeah. 'Dat's fine, just go to sleep."

" 'Kay." he kissed Pickles' cheek quickly before whispering, "Goodnights."

"Yeah, goodnight."

And once Toki had closed his eyes and begun breathing deeply—a sure sign of sleep—Pickles reached over and grabbed the tequila bottle from his nightstand. He took a long, deep sip from it then closed his eyes. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

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**Chapter 2, Part 2**

**Sweet Promises**

The next morning once Pickles had woken up, taken a quick shower, and gotten Toki up, he walked down with the Norwegian to the dining room for breakfast. The only problem with this was that Toki didn't really seem that intent on eating that morning, and as Pickles lead him down the stairs he tugged on the drummer's hand and grinned.

"We gonna do something together today?"

Pickles sighed and said dully, "I told you that I'm not doing that with you until you get bet-"

"No _thats! _You knows, just go outs and walk or something."

The drummer laughed at this suggestion, but once he saw that Toki was actually serious he arched a brow and asked, "Whadda mean _walk? _What's the catch, 'cause I told you that I'm not fucking with you like that until you're okay again."

"I just wants to spend times with you!" Toki said defensively. "Sorry if that ams a crime!"

"Yeah, well, I—wait, what?" Pickles asked. This was absolutely insane. Nobody—not even the stupid fan girls he usually fucked—ever wanted to just _spend time _with him. His mother had never even wanted to just talk to him, much less spend _time _with him.

"I wants to spends time with you today, just you and me," Toki said again, this time softer. "Maybe you cans lets me know what I used to be likes before I forgets everything."

He nodded quickly and blurted, "Yeah, sure, yeah, yeah." For some reason he was actually desperate to spend time with the guitarist. He actually wanted to be with him, be the sole object of his attention. "Yeah, we can go do whatever. Just you and me, right? Just the two of us?"

Toki shrugged, forgetting how bruised he was, and answered, "Ja, sures."

"Just talkin'?"

"Whatever you wants, Pickle. I ams yours."

A small smile spread across his face. He tightened his grip on Toki's hand and hurried down the rest of the stairs saying almost excitedly, "Okay, let's go do somethin'!"

They both ran down the remaining stairs, and when they had reached the bottom, Pickles motioned to the gigantic front door of the Mordhaus and said, "Come on, we're goin' do somethin'."

"Okays, relax; we gots all da-"

"Where the fuck are you two dildos going?"

Pickles stopped and turned to see, much to his surprise, Nathan and Skwisgaar glaring at him. The drummer shrugged and explained innocently, "Oh, ya know, just goin' screw around or something."

"Fuck no, you're not," Nathan said. "We have an album to make, don't we?"

"I...uh..."

"Ja, and since Toki ammnest lead guitarist nows, he has to be in studio," Skwisgaar said, giving Toki an absolutely deadly look. "Anyways, it still sounds dildos to me."

"I...wait, what'd you say?" Pickles asked, his heart filling with fear.

The Swede repeated, "Toki, him and his guitar playings—it ammnest just stupids and dildos. It have always having been like 'dat."

"I—oh, crap..." he cleared his throat and asked fearfully, "Can you guys remember anything more than you did yesterday?"

Nathan shook his head. "No, not really. I-"

"Well good, 'den. See you two dildos later." and Pickles rushed Toki out of Mordhaus quickly, slamming the door as he left.

Once they were outside Toki glanced over at Pickles and asked, "Was that okay thing to do?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, we can record later. We're goin' play a concert in a few weeks; I'm sure you guys'll have your memories back by then." his voice faltered for a moment and suddenly he became sad. What would happen when Toki became himself again? Would he still want to talk to him? Would he still want to just walk with him and hold hands?

Suddenly, although he didn't realize it, the drummer gave Toki's hand a squeeze, making the Norwegian peer over at him and ask sweetly, "You knows what I wants to do?"

"Huh?"

"Just sits with you out here all days."

He swallowed. "Why would you wanna do that?"

" 'Cause I ams your Toki."

"Oh, Gad, that's just..." Toki began swinging his hand and whistling brightly as they walked. This made Pickles chuckle before saying, "...that's just perfect..."

Since they really didn't have any set destination in mind, Pickles lead Toki over to a large, withered oak tree where they settled down. Amazingly, he didn't think about booze or weed when he was talking with the guitarist. He barley noticed the growing hunger in his stomach—they should've at least eaten breakfast before coming out—all he could concentrate on was Toki.

Eventually the conversation turned to Toki's old life. As the Norwegian rested his head in Pickles' lap, he asked, "Pickle, what was I likes before I forgets?"

"You were great, I guess." his fingers began playing in the guitarist's soft, long hair as he added, "You got a lotta awards from kids shows and all that bullshit—it used to piss you aff so much, when you got nominated for a stupid kid's award."

Toki arched a brow. "Kids-es award?"

"Yeah, sure." he said, grinning and laughing a little. "You got a lotta trophies from all 'dat stuff. Kids love you."

"Ah...kids..." and he grinned. "I don't think that I would've likes that too much; did I likes kids?"

He shook his head. "Nah, you hated 'em."

"Oh. Why's that?"

"I...well, I dunno, Toki."

"Hmm..." his voice trailed off for a long moment before he inquired in absolute confusion, "Pickle, you gets mad if I asks you something?"

"Nah, nothin' you say could really ever make me mad." he noticed now that while his right hand ran thru Toki's hair, the other was being tightly clasped by the Norwegian.

For some odd reason, Toki had a love for holding hands. Pickles had just begun to notice it, but ever since they had gotten 'together' everywhere they went the guitarist insisted upon holding his hand. At first it had made the drummer turn red and he had looked down in shame, but now he actually liked it.

"Well, I just wants to know what my last name ams."

Pickles frowned. "What it is? Don't you know? It's Wartooth."

"Oh...that ams pretty funny-soundings. Where did you say I was froms again?"

"Norway."

Another pause, then, "Oh."

Pickles leaned down and kissed him before looking up at the gray sky that hung above Mordhaus. It had been a good, long while since he had seen a blue, cloudy sky. Mordhaus was always so dreary. Sometimes it worked on his nerves, not being able to escape the drowsiness and macabre of it all. Since he had started being with Toki, though, it didn't really seem all that bad. Now that had someone to talk to and spend his time with, nothing seemed that bad anymore.

"Pickle, you remembers if I had parentses?" the guitarist asked, letting out a content sigh. His pale blue eyes stared up at the leafless branches of the oak tree as he spoke.

Pickles bit his lip. He didn't like where this conversation was leading _at all. _Still, he couldn't answer the guitarist's question with silence, so he said casually, "Course you had folks."

"Did I—I can'ts really remember, but I don't thinks that I likes them very much."

"No, you used to get really quiet when 'dey came to visit, like this one time they showed up at Christmas and all you did was-"

"What abouts my dad?"

Pickles glanced down at him and arched a brow. "Huh? Your dad? Yeah, I guess he was okay. I mean, 'dey never talked or nothin', but-"

Toki's eyes suddenly became hazy as he asked, "Hey, Pickle?"

"Huh, yeah?"

He said nothing else for a long moment. The next five or ten minutes were spent in silence before Toki snickered and asked, now with a new cheerfulness, "You wants to hear something funny? Huh, Pickle?"

"Yeah, sure. What?"

"When we got in that wrecks you was telling me that I held your hands, but I thinks I remember _you _holding _my _hand, not other way around."

Pickles shrugged. "Maybe 'dats how it happened. I dunno, I was really drunk and shook up an' stuff, you know."

Toki nodded. "Yeah, I knows."

The drummer closed his eyes and smiled peacefully. He let his head fall back against the rough bark of the dead tree and sighed. Just then Toki let out a little giggle and the drummer felt something hit his nose. He opened his eyes suddenly, staring directly into the Norwegian's blue eyes.

"Huh? What happened?"

"Looks," the guitarist said, reaching up and plucking a bee from Pickles' red hair. The drummer gasped and his face became chalky. He swatted at the insect and let out a little scream.

"Are you fuckin' insane? Get it away! Go! Fuckin' kill it!"

Toki just continued laughing as he held the bee in the palm of his hand. Gradually Pickles calmed down and the guitarist said calmly, "Sees? It didn't hurts you, stupid. It just wandered off froms somewheres else." he said this almost sadly and his eyes became down cast as he opened his hand and blew at the bee, urging it to fly away.

With a buzz, the insect was gone and Toki was sitting cross-legged in front of Pickles, looking sullen. His pale blue eyes watched the bee fly up and up, until it was nothing but a black dot evaporating into the cloudy sky. Pickles frowned.

"Hey, Toki?"

"Hmm?" he asked, still not looking away from the sky.

"Do you like it here?"

He thought and said quietly, "Sometimes. Sometimes not."

"Oh. Well, do ya wanna get away?"

Toki smiled a little and nodded. "Ja, I woulds likes that a lot."

A new idea had entered Pickles' mind, a wonderful one. He leaned forward, kissed the guitarist on the lips, and pulled away. The drummer was holding Toki's face in his hands as he said, "Then you know what we should do? We should do it! We should go away sometime, just you and me."

"Reallys? That would be—wowee, Pickle, could we do that?"

He grinned broadly and answered, "Course we could; we can do whatever the fuck we wanna do."

Toki let out a squeal of delight, jumped forward, and hugged the drummer tightly. Pickles had never been embraced like this in his whole life, and slowly he found that he was wrapping his arms around the little Norwegian, encouraging him to come closer. It was nice. For once he felt secure—loved?

Still, absolutely not.

Pickles would never love Toki, only just _like _him...a lot.

"You ams really great, Pickle! Coulds we even go to Norway maybe?" he asked, without ever ending the hug. Pickles nodded and pressed his face into Toki's shoulder, breathing in deeply. The other man smelled sweet, like candy and a little alcohol.

"Sure we could," the drummer breathed. "We can go anywhere that's not Wisconsin."

"Why? What ams wrong with that?"

"That's where _I'm _from."

"Oh. You hates it?"

He smiled and shook his head. "Nah, hate ain't the right word for it—I hate it more than anything that's ever been hated by anyone on the face of the Earth."

Toki didn't stop hugging him. He just rested his head against the drummer's shoulder and said, "Okays, so anywhere that ams not Wisconsin. That's goods."

"Yeah," Pickles agreed. "It's great."

**]][][[ ]][][[ ]][][[ ]][][[ ]][][[ ]][][[**

**Chapter 2, Part 3**

**Scars And Memories**

Nothing much really happened for the rest of the day. Pickles walked around Mordhaus with Toki—for some weird reason he really couldn't get enough of him—while Skwisgaar, Nathan, and Murderface attempted to try and re-learn how to play their songs. At the end of the day, once Pickles had taken off his shirt, kicked off his shoes, and laid in bed, Toki was right there with him, staring at him with tired eyes.

The drummer noticed now just how muscular the Norwegian was, and it almost made him angry. Toki did pretty much nothing all day—just eat candy and watch T.V.-and he was more toned than himself? That was dildos.

Still, he looked over at Toki and said firmly, "Your ready?"

Toki sighed and rolled his eyes. "Do you haves to?"

"Do you wanna get better?"

He looked down and bit his lip a little, saying sheepishly, "Ja."

"Good, 'den lemme see."

The whole day he had periodically been applying Neosporin to Toki's cuts. He wasn't sure if it was doing any good, but it was worth a shot. The Norwegian frowned and his face gained a pouty look as he got out of bed and stood up. Pickles nodded.

"Alright, lookin' better; turn around."

Toki turned around in a complete circle. The truth was that things really weren't looking that much better. The cuts still sometimes oozed blood all over Toki's shirt and he still moved stiffly, sometimes letting out hisses of pain.

Pickles gently laid his hands on Toki's hips and pulled him closer. The drummer closed his eyes, leaned forward, and kissed the Norwegian's hardened ab muscles. Toki laid his hands on Pickles' shoulders and moved closer to him. A long moment of silence passed before there was the whisper of, "Pickle?"

"Hmm...yeah?"

"When you think I get better?"

He didn't even bother to meet Toki's curious, childlike gaze as he answered, "What're you talkin' about? You're already getting better. I can see it."

"Nos I'm not. You ams lyings to me."

"Lie? Why would I lie?"

Toki shrugged. "I don'ts know...'cause you don'ts wants me to get scared."

Pickles sighed and pulled at Toki's hips again, urging the Norwegian to sit on his lap. Gently, almost cautiously, he kissed him and whispered, "Look, I know that 'dis must be hard for you. I know it sucks for me. Did I tell you how much I hurt this morning? God, it was fuckin' awful, but it gets better, right? The cuts an' stuff are already lookin' better. Mine are too."

It was only now that Toki looked at Pickles' bare chest and saw that he was beaten to. He swallowed and rested his head on the drummer's shoulder, letting the other man caress the small of his back. "Pickle, what ams happen to us?"

As he said this, he reached over and grabbed his teddy; Pickles had gotten it out of Toki's room this morning. Now he watched as the guitarist closed his eyes and hugged the stuffed animal close, muttering something in ancient Norwegian.

"Heya, Toki? You okay?" Pickles asked, his green eyes full of concern.

He opened his pale blue eyes and answered, "Ja, I'ms fine. I was just tryings to remember."

"Remember what?"

Toki shrugged his shoulders and crawled between the covers of the bed. "Anythings."

Pickles grew silent and he watched as the other man rolled over, closed his eyes, and went to sleep. Distractedly, he sighed and rubbed his own tired, burning eyes. Tomorrow would be better. It had to be better. Maybe Nathan would remember the lyrics to some of the songs. Maybe Toki would remember his old life.

Pickles swallowed and got up. He went to find himself something to drink. Maybe this was going too far. Maybe he should just tell Toki the real truth...but he couldn't. Because he loved—no, he still just liked the Norwegian.

Never love. Pickles had decided long ago that he would never love _anyone._


	3. Remember Me

**Chapter 3, Part 1**

**Early Morning Surprises**

The next morning was much like the one before. Pickles woke up, had a drink, and got Toki up. Today, though, they decided to actually go down and face everyone else at breakfast. As they walked, Toki talked about some dream he'd had, and eventually this lead to an unusual question.

"Pickle?"

"Yeah?" the drummer asked. This Q&A routine was beginning to feel like a normal part of his day.

"Did I ever have a cats or something?"

Pickles' mind traveled back to a time when he had believed himself to be dying. He wasn't really, but during the confusion wills had been finalized, urine had been switched, and Toki's cat had died. "Yeah," he said, grinning as he thought back to it all. "You did."

Toki yawned and ran a hand thru his long hair before saying, "Ja, 'cause last nights I dreams that I had this cat, and he hads hamburgers time, and then you was there, and-"

"Hold on, just hold up!" Pickles said, his heart turning cold with fear. Toki closed his mouth and bit his lip as the drummer asked, "If you remember all of that and hamburger time, then what else do you remember?"

He shrugged. "I don'ts know. What ams the big deal, anyway? It'salmost like you're afraids for me to remember stuff..."

"I am nat!"

"Okays, then."

"Yeah, I'm just hungry."

Toki gave him a sweet little smile and said, "Well maybes you should eat breakfasts. You shouts a lot when you're hungry."

"I'm _nat _shouting!"

"Yes you ams. Real loud. It ams echoing in hall."

Pickles grabbed Toki's wrists, forced him against the wall, and kissed him. Once he finally willed himself to pull away, he said in a whisper, "I...am nat..._yelling."_

"Yes you ams!" Toki insisted.

Pickles grinned, sensing the challenge in his voice. His hands snuck up the Norwegian's shirt as he leaned close to Toki's ear and said quietly, "No I'm nat."

"Yes," the guitarist said, breathing hard. "You was."

Thankfully the hall was empty empty, so the drummer felt completely comfortable leaning in and kissing Toki again. This time he didn't hesitate to let his tongue into the other man's mouth; he felt the Norwegian's legs wrap around his hips, and soon Toki was against the wall, panting loudly as Pickles kissed his neck. "P-Pickle, you ams really, really nice when you ams hungry...I likes it..."

"You like it, huh?" his hands found the crotch of Toki's jeans. He nimbly unzipped the zipper. Toki's eyes grew wide as he looked down and watched as the drummer began to stroke him.

"What ams you doing?"

"Nothin', just fuckin' around. You like it, though, right?"

"I..." When he didn't give an answer, Pickles began stroking faster. As soon as he did this, Toki gave an immediate nod and, "Oh ja, that ams _nice..."_

Just as Pickles began to really get into it and was thinking about forgetting breakfast altogether and just jacking Toki off instead, a sound of a door opening and closing came echoing down the hall. He gasped and removed his hand from the inside of Toki's pants. With a distinctly unsatisfied look on his face, Toki re-zipped his jeans and tried to calm himself down as Ofdensen came walking down the hall.

He stared at Pickles curiously before saying, "I just came from your room. I need to talk to you."

The drummer sighed and rolled his eyes. "Couldn't it wait?"

Ofdensen shook his head and said curtly, "No, I'm afraid it can't. It's about the upcoming concert. I'm sure you'll remember that we must be boarding the Dethcopter in one hour, so-"

Pickles gasped. "An hour?"

"Oh, so you _did _forget." he said, frowning slightly. "We've been discussing this show for months."

"I know, but I thought it was gonna be in a few _weeks!"_

"What ams this mean?" Toki inquired.

"It means that you and Pickles are in charge of putting together a good show. We need this money, guys."

"Can't we reschedule?" Pickles begged. "I need a little more time!"

Ofdensen shook his head. "No, I'm afraid not. We've already invested far too much in this show to-"

"But Nathan don't know any of the sangs, and Skwisgaar can't play his douche bag guitar no more! What're we gonna do?" for some annoying reason whenever he got upset his Wisconsin dialect worsened to the point of absurdity. Toki tried hard not to laugh as Ofdensen spoke.

"That's for you to figure out," he said coolly, walking away. "I just came up to tell you and Toki to get up, but I see that my job is already done." Before he disappeared down the stairs he turned and said, "Pickles, you're the lead singer now, and Toki, you're the lead guitarist. It's all up to you guys. Don't mess this up."

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**Chapter 3, Part 2**

**Preparation**

"What the fuck took you guys so long?" Nathan asked as Pickles and Toki came running onto the Dethcopter, their faces strained and sweating.

"We hads to make sure that everyones stuffs was together," Toki said, trying to catch his breath. He was holding Skwisgaar's old guitar, the Swede's Gibson Explorer. He went to sit down next to the blond, who glared at him and got up, muttering dark things in his native language.

"You knows what?" the Swede said, glaring out the window of the Dethcopter as it took off. "I remembers something last nights; I remembers 'dat before all of this, yous guitar playings was dildos, Toki."

The Norwegian said nothing, only turned a light shade of red and began trying to play out some of Skwisgaar's bits on his new guitar. Pickles frowned at this display and went over to Nathan. "Look," he said, "I'm gonna be singin', but I want you to just...I dunno, add in some growls or somethin', 'cause I don't want people to think we're as fucked up as we really are."

"What about me?" Murderface asked, sitting over by himself in a corner. "What do I get to do?"

"You?"

"Yeah."

Pickles thought for a moment then shrugged. "I dunno, just stand 'dere if you want. I mean, you were never a real important part of the band, so-"

"I wash to, dildo!"

"Look, all I'm saying is 'dat we can get along if you play or nat, so just calm down."

"Pickle, what ams we going to play first?" Toki asked, trying to ignore Skwisgaar's glare.

"I dunno...I...uh...we'll just start with—hey, do you think you could play _Crush My Battle Opponent's Balls _again real quick until I can get everyone straight on stage?"

Toki's face became ashy. "I don'ts knows..."

"Please," Pickles begged. "This is already gonna be hard enough, just please do me 'dat one favor."

"But Skwisgaar ams been writ it for_ hims..."_

"Toki!"

"Fines, fines! God, you ain't gots to shout; did you eats breakfasts yet?"

A smile spread across Pickles' face. He went over and sat next to Toki and did something very odd—for the first time since he and Toki had gotten together, he grabbed the Norwegian's hand and held it.

**]][][[ ]][][[ ]][][[ ]][][[ ]][][[ ]][][[**

**Chapter 3, Part 3**

**Remembering**

As _Dethklok _took the stage, the echoing, insane screams of a million fans could be heard. Pickles distractedly glanced over his should, over at Ofdensen. The crisp-suited man stood backstage staring at the drummer with his arms crossed over his chest, looking grave. Pickles swallowed as he sat down at his drum kit and reached for a microphone.

"O-Okay," he said shakily, trying to calm the fans down. "Hey—hey, fan-people, I got somethin' to say." the shouts lessened enough for him to say, "Okay, well, I'm not sure if any of you have heard, but recently we got into a motherfucking wreck, an' we sorta lost ourselves, so it's like 'dis—it's like..."

His voice trailed off as the fans began shouting again. The drummer sighed and tried again, "Okay, look. Either shut the fuck up, or we're just not gonna play." everyone in the crowd became silent and stared at him with wide eyes. "Okay, well, Nathan can't remember any of the fuckin' sangs, so I'll be singin', and since Skwisgaar don't know how to play the douche bag guitar no more, Toki will be lead guitar. So we're pretty much gonna be bullshitting it. Yeah, we're just doin' it for the fuckin' money. Alright, now here we-"

This announcement was met with an uproar of confused, enraged shouting. Pickles felt his face grow red as he yelled into the mic, "Okay, look, shut the fuck up! That's how we're doin' the show, you stupid dildos!" and he looked over to Toki, who was standing a ways away. "Ready? Just play until I say stop, okay? I'm gonna go make sure Nathan's straight with his lyrics."

Toki bit his lip and began playing the first few notes with little difficulty. Pickles jumped up from his drums and hurried down to where Nathan was standing, holding his own mic. "Okay, we're gonna play this real easy song called _Burn The Earth. _The lyrics are really easy." he pulled a folded-up paper from his pocket and passed it to the singer. "Think you can handle 'dat?"

"I have to hold this while I sing?" he inquired, glaring at the paper.

"Well if you can't remember any of the damn lyrics, then yeah."

Nathan sighed, rolled his eyes, and said with false enthusiasm,"Great. Real fuckin' great."

Pickles opened his mouth to say something else, but stopped as the voice of Skwisgaar yelled, "Hey, what the fucks ammnest happening?"

The drummer's face became pale as he looked over and saw the Swede glaring over at Toki, who was still struggling to finish off the last few notes to the solo. Skwisgaar went over to him, reached out, and tried to pull his old Gibson Explorer from the Norwegian's hands. "What the fucks do you think you doing? 'Dat ammnest _my _fuckings guitar and 'dat ammnest _my _fucking solo!"

"Oh, crap." the drummer said. He watched as Toki struggled to keep a hold on the guitar. His face was red under his white stage makeup, Pickles could tell.

"What you mean?" the Norwegian asked innocently. "You knows I ams lead guitar now."

"Since whens?"

"Since you forgets how to play, dildo!" A sudden rage had taken Toki as he tried to keep the Swede away from the guitar. "I ams playing it!" Skwisgaar looked down at the guitar he was holding—Toki's old Gibson Flying-V. He let out a yell and took off the guitar. Toki's eyes filled with fear as he exclaimed, "What ams you doing?"

"You steals my solo and guitar, you dildo!" The Swede growled. Pickles didn't know what to do; all he could do was stand there, his arms limp at his sides, as the whole show fell apart. Everything fell apart. Especially Toki, as he watched the Swede raise his guitar over his head and throw it down against the stage, laughing when it burst apart.

Tears leaked out of the Norwegian's pale eyes as he said in shock, "You brokes my guitar..."

"Ja, now gives me back mine!"

"You stupids, Skwisgaar!" he yelled, trying to contain his anger and sadness. "You can'ts lets me haves not one thing, not even one didlos solo!" 

" 'Cause you don'ts deserve it! You'll be lucky ifs I don't haves you kicked out of the band for this!" Skwisgaar said, his hands balling into fists. "Just because you ams suddenly fucking the stupid drummer, 'dat don't mean that you can plays your guitar!"

The crowd let out a loud, "Oohh..." and began cheering again as Toki lashed out and jumped on the Swede, kicking and punching him as much as he could manage before Nathan pulled him off. Pickles just stood there, still in shock, his green eyes wide.

Why did it have to be_ now_ that they chose to remember? Why fucking now? Pickles felt his heart ice over as Nathan dragged Toki past him. The Norwegian wouldn't even look at him. His lip was split and his white makeup was mostly rubbed off now, revealing his horribly blushing face. The drummer swallowed and numbly stumbled over to Nathan's mic. He picked it up and said into it, "Hey, yeah, we...we gotta prablem...I guess we all got our minds back, 'cause—Gad, this is just really sucks...the show's aff."

And he dropped the microphone, ignoring the loud buzz it produced as it hit the ground, and stumbled off backstage. What he saw was enough to make him want to turn right around and face those horrible fans. He watched as Toki was yelled at by Skwisgaar. Klokateers were struggling to keep the two away from each other, but everyone knew that there was really nothing that they could do.

"Why can't you just lets me finish the fucking song?" Toki asked, trying desperately to squirm out of the grip of the Klokateers. Skwisgaar glared at him, his dark blue eyes full of anger and betrayal.

"So whats? I forgets my own name for two seconds-es and suddenly you takes my place? How coulds you do 'dat?"

"I forgots everything too!"

"Ja, well, that ammnest no excuse!"

"What the fucks you want me to do?" Toki asked. He was openly crying now, his anger now melting into a cold sadness. The Swede shook his head.

"There ammnest nothing you cans do, but I wants to know something."

"W-What?"

"What it ams like to kisses you."

Everyone that was watching grew silent—even Ofdensen, who had been trying to calm them down. The Klokateers grips on both men slackened; they couldn't believe what they had heard. Pickles felt his stomach turn an impressive back flip. Suddenly he felt sick. His Toki...was gone? The thought was enough to bring tears to his eyes as Skwisgaar squirmed his way out of the Klokateers loose grips on him. The Swede walked right up to the wide-eyed Toki, took his face in his hands, and kissed him deeply.

Pickles shook his head. This was so fucking stupid! It was so fucking unfair!

"Skwisgaar, gets off of me!" Toki said, ending the kiss. He pushed the other man off of him and wiped his mouth. "What the fucks was you doing?"

The Swede shrugged nonchalantly. It appeared as though the rejection had done little for him. "I was just wantings to see what it ammnest like. Pickle always doing 'dat stuff to yous now, and I wonder why he likes you so much. You dildos kisser, though. I don't get why he ammnest fuckings with you."

"I...whats?" he looked over at met Pickles' gaze. His face became ashy. "Pickle, I'ms-"

"Fuck it," the drummer said, turning and walking off towards his dressing room. "Fuck it, it's over—I'm done."

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****A/N****

**Yeah...this chapter is depressing. Sorry, but I forgot to mention the ever so brief Skwisgaar/Toki slash in the warnings, but that's what makes a story interesting right? Anyways, hope you enjoyed it. Peace & Love.**


	4. Lovely Lies

_**LOVE;**_

_[1] A profoundly tender, passionate affection __for another person._

_[2] An intense personal attachment or affection._

_~~Webster's Dictionary_

**]][][[ ]][][[ ]][][[ ]][][[ ]][][[ ]][][[**

**Chapter 4, Part 1**

**More Lies**

Once Pickles had slammed the door to his dressing room, he leaned against the door and closed his eyes. He stumbled blindly over to the couch that sat in the middle of the room and fell into it, already crying. He had been an idiot. What had he been thinking, manipulating Toki like that? Hadn't he always known that his memory would somehow return, even if it involved him getting the fuck beaten out of him by Skwisgaar? And what had even set the Swede off to begin with?

Had the solo that Toki played triggered his old memory?

Whatever it was, Pickles didn't care. He had fucked up. He _always _fucked up. That's why no one—not even Toki—would ever really love him or want to be with him. He always ended up hurting himself like this, living for the moment. Of course he had known that in the end Toki would leave him, so why had he hurt himself this badly—this deeply—intentionally?

"Gad, I'm an idiot..." he whispered as he hugged a pillow. "Such a stupid, fucking-"

"Pickle, why ams you talking to yourself like that?"

He groaned and sniffled. "What the fuck are you doin' in my room, Toki?"

He listened as the soft clunking of Toki's boots echoed thru the room. Toki always had a sort of happy, jubilant walk, like a little kid who had just eaten a whole bag of candy or something. He never drug his feet, which was good. Pickles couldn't stand people who drug their feet. It just seemed sloppy to him.

Then the Norwegian spoke, his voice sounding grave. "I...I wants to talks to you. It's about-"

"I know what it's about. I'm not stupid."

"Then why you no lookings at me while you talks? Please, Pickle, please looks at me." The drummer rubbed his nose and turned over. Toki was sitting next to the couch, smiling at him in his sweet, innocently boyish way. "Hi, Pickle," he said brightly.

"Yeah, hi." Pickles said thickly thru his sorrow. He didn't know quite else to react to his odd display. Perhaps that is why he was so taken aback when Toki leaned forward and kissed him again and again, until the drummer shouted, "What the fuck are you doin'?"

Toki pulled away, looking shocked. His makeup was still runny from when he had cried, which only made the sad and confused look that he gave Pickles seem all the more pitiful. "What ams wrong? You don't...you don't want me no mores?"

"I—wait, what?"

The Norwegian looked away and swallowed. He said with some difficulty, his eyes once again shining with tears, "You ain'ts wants me no more...you not still wants to kiss me or touch me or nothings?"

"Course I do!"

"Then why are you cryings?"

"Because I-" Pickles voice broke as he sat up and gently pressed a hand to Toki's cheek, trying to make him calm down. "Because I was scared. I was an idiot to lie to you like that. I lied really bad, Toki. I'm so sorry, though. So fuckin' sorry."

"But that's what I want to talks to you about!" the guitarist said with sudden excitement. Toki took the drummer's hand in his own and brushed his lips against the soft skin. "Looks, it ams about my memory. I-"

"I lied an' said 'dat we were together 'cause I thought that you wouldn't remember that we weren't, and I-"

"Pickle, listen please! I ams dying to tells you this!" when he grew silent, Toki said, smiling with delight, "I lies to you to! I remember everythings!"

Pickles felt his mouth drop open. He quickly closed it and sputtered, "I...wait, but you—the wreck...Ofdensen said that-"

"I remember he just comes in my hospital room after I wakes up and he asks me what my name am beings. I didn't know, 'cause he asks it so fast, so I tells him I can't think. He just nods and walks outs, just like that!" then Toki got up and sat in Pickles' lap. He continued, "He had beens already to Nathans rooms and he knew that Nathan had lost his memory, so he assumed that-"

"But you could really remember everything?"

He nodded. "Ja."

"Then why the fuck did you lie?" Pickles asked, letting out a relieved breath. "You had me worried sick 'dat one day you'd just remember and dump me."

"I'd never dumps you, Pickle."

"What? But I thought-"

"I couldn't do that because I ams your Toki."

Pickles felt his heart fill with warmth as he wrapped his arms around the Norwegian and hugged him tightly. "Yeah, you're mine, alright."

"So we still stays together?"

"I couldn't let you go now, not for anything."

He hesitated before asking, "You mad at me?"

The drummer shook his head and planted a firm kiss atop the Norwegian's head. "Nope, but why'd you _have_ to lie?"

" 'Cause I knew you'd never wants to dos all this to me if you knew I was still me...and I haves always been sort of curious abouts you, you know. Just wantings to be with you."

There was a moment of brief silence as Pickles contemplated his words. It all made sense, really. Of course he wouldn't have lied to begin with if he thought that Toki was still his same old self. He wouldn't have lied and he wouldn't have ended up with this, something that was so much greater than anything he'd ever thought he could have; something so amazing that he didn't deserve it.

And suddenly Toki was kissing him again, and Pickles kissed him back until the guitarist pulled away and asked meekly, "You wants to know something?"

"Huh?"

"Back at the Mordhaus, when you was touching me like thats—I really did loves it...maybe once we get back homes we coulds-"

"Fuck yeah, we will." he didn't even have to finish his sentence before Pickles was agreeing with him, saying, "Yeah, an' we'll go aff, just like I said we would. We're gonna go aff and just fuck around, have a fuckin' good time. You wanna?"

Toki nodded. "Ja, real bad. Just yous and me."

"Yep."

And suddenly there came a knocking at the door and Ofdensen's voice. "Guys, whenever you have a minute, we've got to take off. People are wondering where you guys are."

Pickles sighed and yelled back, "Fine, just fuck off! We're comin'!"

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**Chapter 4, Part 2**

**Tell All**

What followed as _Dethklok _attempted to board their Dethcopter was a series of meaningless interviews with reporters. Photographers tried to snap photos as Pickles and Toki walked by holding hands and whispering to each other. Of course everyone had questions to ask. The most interviews, though, belonged to Pickles and Toki, both of whom were indifferent to everything going on outside of their own personal relationship.

"Pickles? Excuse me, Pickles?" a reporter asked.

He sighed and asked, "What? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Just one question, please!"

"Fine, whadda wanna know?" the drummer asked irritably, glaring at the reporter.

"Can you explain the accusations that Skwisgaar Skwigelf made on the stage today? That you are involved in a romantic relationship with-"

"Yeah, I can. We're goin' out. So what?"

"Oh...I...uh..." clearly the reporter didn't know what to say, but as Pickles turned to go, he blurted, "Are you aware that 50% of all homosexual relationships result in divorce?"

"We ain't married, dildo."

Toki frowned and inquired, "Cans gay people even gets married in this state?"

"I dunno," Pickles said thoughtfully. "I don't think they—_we _can. Only in California or somethin'."

"Don't you think that this might affect _Dethklok _record sales negatively?" the reporter asked, trying to stir up some kind of conflict between the two musicians.

"Some things are more important." the drummer said loftily.

"I really don'ts give a crap," was Toki's response.

"Yes, but what about all of your loyal fan girls? How do you think that they will react to this new change of sexual preference?"

Pickles scoffed. "What do I care what 'dey think? I will _not _be breakin' up with Toki, so everyone can just get over it and shut the fuck up."

The reporter turned to Toki and asked, "And you, Toki Wartooth, from the country of Norway, do you-"

"Yes, I knows my name and my home countries. Can we just get this over with?" the guitarist said, smiling a little. Pickles stifled a laugh.

"You've been involved in relationships with women before, haven't you?"

He shrugged. "Ja, sures."

"Then why is this one so radically different?"

"Same reason you say—it ams with another man."

By now the reporter was getting very irritated with the Norwegian's thoughtless and somewhat childish answers. His last question was, "Okay, fine, but I mean why _him?_ Out of everyone in the world, why choose Pickles the drummer?"

Once again he gave an automatic, simple response. "Because it just ams. I loves him and I ams his Toki. I've _always _been his Toki. If I haves to explain what love is to you, then maybes _you _haves the problem; we both gos together, we belong to each other, and it ams that simple." he paused and added sweetly, "You can'ts choose who you falls in love with, dildo, so what does it matter why I choose Pickle? It ams him, and it ams done. Can I go now?"

Everyone standing around Toki grew silent and stared at him with wide eyes. Even Pickles did. He'd never heard more mature or beautiful words in his life. With a shy little smile on his face he leaned over, kissed the guitarist, and whispered, "Thanks, Toki."

Over a ways away, Skwisgaar was dealing out his own dose of sarcastic answers to a female news reporter.

"Skwisgaar Skwigelf, rumor is that you actually kissed Toki Wartooth backstage. Can you verify or deny this?"

"Ja," he said humorously, "I dids." Seeing the shocked look on people's faces always did give him a good laugh.

The reporter, however, just didn't get it. "You did what?"

"I kisses him."

"Oh, my...well...why?"

Skwisgaar sighed and crossed his arms. " 'Cause I likes him and he really pisses me off tonights."

"He made you angry so naturally you _kissed _him?"

"Ja, sures."

"Uh-huh. Tell me, the whole world wants to know if the kiss was with tongue or not."

Skwisgaar replied with a smirk, "Ja, sures."

If that stupid reporter couldn't figure out that he was just responding to every fucking stupid question with 'Ja, sures,' then that was truly a tragedy. The reporter didn't, though, because then she inquired, "Did you like kissing him?"

"I don'ts know! Don't you haves any better questions to asks to me?"

She hesitated before nodding. "Yes, of course. Well how do you feel about the new relationship between Pickles the drummer and-"

"I don'ts really care, to be honest, and if alls you ammnest going to ask me abouts is 'dos two, then I'm goings to leave."

"Please, just one more question!"

"What?" he yelled, trying to walk away from her.

She caught him and asked, "How will these incidents affect your own sexual habits?"

"What?"

"Are you going to consider dating people of the same sex as you?"

Skwisgaar laughed at this and said, "Nos, nos; I don'ts knows how _they _dos it. It ammnest disgusting, to be honest. I only kisses little Toki and I hates it, but soon they ams gonna be fucking...I can'ts even imagine...no, I wills be fucking the ladies and G.M.I.L.F's."

Nathan's responses were generally the same when he was asked if he would consider being gay. He let out a shutter and growled, "Fuck no, because being gay is not _brutal, _and I like girls, so if I was gay how would I still like them?"

"I think that the point of being a homosexual is so that you _won't _like women, Mr. Explosion," the reporter said, arching a brow. Nathan shrugged.

"Still, I don't get it."

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**Chapter 4, Part 3**

**Reality**

Once they had finally managed to board the Dethcopter, Ofdensen approached Pickles and Toki and cleared his throat. He adjusted his tie and said with some amount of awkwardness. "So, guys, you've gotten it straightened out?"

Pickles nodded and draped an arm across Toki's shoulders. "Yeah, sure. I guess so, I mean we're still gonna stay together, if 'dat's what you're wonderin'."

"You two..." Ofdensen sighed. "Still together, huh?"

Toki nodded and let his head fall on the drummer's shoulder. "Ja, we gonna stays together and—oh, Pickle, asks him! Asks him abouts-"

"Do you think 'dis is the right time?"

"Ja, sures!"

"Ask me what?" Ofdensen inquired.

Pickles grinned up at him and said, "Me and Toki were wanting to go off for a while, just the two of us, and we were wantin' to know if we could or nat. Only after we finish recording the album, you know."

"I...oh, wow. You really want to do this? Do you know how this is going to affect the band, guys?"

"Ja," Toki said, "we thoughts about that and decided that we really don't cares."

Ofdensen shook his head. "You can't just not care what other people think or feel, Toki."

"Pickle say I can."

"Well you can't."

"Oh...well what ams we gonna do, Pickle?"

Pickle shrugged and said casually, "Like I said, we wanna go on vacation together, and so we are."

"But you can't just-"

"Hey, Ofdensen, just let them go already," Nathan said. He was glaring at all of them, a frown on his face. Ofdensen turned his attention to him, looking astonished.

"So you don't have any problems with this? None at all?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, we all think it's pretty fuckin' creepy, but it's not like it's _my _dick that they're, you know, wanting to fuck with, so-"

"Yeah, I can understand that. Thank you Nathan."

"Look, look," he said, "all I'm trying to say is that it's their lives, so we should just let them do whatever the fuck they want."

Over a ways away, in his own seat far away from Toki and Pickles, Skwisgaar plucked at his Gibson and nodded in agreement. "Ja, it's sort of likes whatevers. We don'ts cares what the fucks they do. If it isn't being brutals, then we can _makes _it brutal."

Ofdensen sighed deeply and rubbed his tired eyes. "Skwisgaar, let me get this straight—are you saying that if given the chance, _Dethklok _could make being gay metal and brutal?"

The Swede nodded. "Ja, why nots? If anyones can dos it, it ammnest us."

"Beshidesh, what'sh wrong with being gay?" Murderface asked. He was staring at Toki and Pickles with a mixture of apathy and curiosity. "I could shee how a guy could...you know...maybe get into it"

"Are you saying that you're gay?" Nathan asked. The bassist shook his head.

"No I'm not! All I'm shaying ish that girlsh are shometimesh sho annoying and all attention-whoreish."

"Well you sure are staring at them like you're a queer."

Skwisgaar laughed and agreed, "Ja, likes stupids dog!"

Ofdensen frowned and walked towards the door. "Alright, so I'm going to assume that no one is listening to me anymore and leave. Is that okay?" When no one responded to him, he nodded and breathed, "Right. Just great." and went out the door.

"Just to be curious-es," Skwisgaar began, turning his attention to Toki and Pickles, "what ammnst it like when you twos fuck?"

"I...uh..." Toki turned red and said nothing.

Pickles chuckled, trying to hide his obvious discomfort, and said, "We...we haven't actually..."

"Wait, hold up—are you saying that you haven't sealed the deal yet?" Nathan asked him. Pickles glared over at him.

"Why's it your business?"

"Wow, you twos shoulds...ah...gets on 'dat, right?" Skwisgaar said, resuming his strumming at his guitar. "That is at least first date for mes."

"You don't date, you jusht fuck!" Murderface protested.

The Swede shrugged and said wickedly, "Stills, it ammnest always first thing."

"Dude, you're bein' a dildo!" Pickles said, glaring at the guitarist.

Skwisgaar glanced over at him and said, "Whatevers, just tryings to...you knows, maybe warms you up to the idea. Not tryings to be weird or anythings, but maybe if you don'ts, someone else might...?"

"I—wait. What's that supposed to mean?"

He said casually, "Nothings, nothings, just that some other peoples might likes the idea..."

"What, so now you're a fucking fag, too?" Nathan asked, groaning. "Okay, look, we can't _all _be gay, and if we are, we can't all love Toki."

"Oh Gods..." Toki muttered, trying to cover his face.

"I don'ts likes him! He is dildos!"

"Then what the fuck are we talkin' about?" Pickles asked.

They all grew silent until finally the Swede responded with a clueless, "I don'ts know, but alls I'm saying is 'dat kissing him made me horny. When we gets home can we gos out for hookers and ice cream or somethings?"

"If you're not gay then why would kissing Toki make you-"

"Shuts it, Nathans! First off, whenever I kiss _anythings _I gets horny, so there. This ams read-hick-lipse."

"Don't you mean ridiculous?" Nathan asked, arching a brow.

"That's what I said!"

"Hey, guys, I got a great idea. How about we stap talkin' about it?" Pickles blurted. They all nodded and murmured in agreement, except for Toki, who was still far to mortified to even speak.

Despite the horrible awkwardness of the conversation, Pickles couldn't help but actually begin to think about the idea...Toki had wanted to fuck him the first night that they had been together, and once he had gotten past his shyness, he had almost _begged _Pickles to...

Tonight would certainly be something delicious, he was sure. And maybe he might even admit that he loved Toki—that he couldn't live without the Norwegian...maybe...

But first they would fuck.

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****A/N****

**I know that Part 2 of this chapter may seem sort of stupid, but I just wanted to show that in the event that one of the musicians of Dethklok turned out to be gay or in love with another—no, I really don't think any of them are—band member, then it wouldn't be all cool...people might have problems with it and stuff. Plus, I just thought it was kind of funny and stuff, and I really wanted to add Toki's cute little perspective on what love is. **"**Okay, look, we can't _all _be gay, and if we are, we can't all love Toki." just came from my love of Toki slash. I noticed that a lot of people love to type slash about him—myself included—and I just find it funny how somehow he's paired with pretty much everyone in Dethklok. I loves it. ^_^**

**Anyways, hope you enjoyed the chapter. Reviews are love, of course.**


	5. Forever

**Chapter 5, Part 1**

**Wrong Words**

By the time _Dethklok _returned the Mordhaus, managed to unload all of their stuff, and said goodnight, it was a few hours past midnight. It was a moderately awkward situation, of course, because as Pickles and Toki retreated up to their room everyone knew what they were about to do. The drummer wished that particularaspect of their relationship—and their plans tonight—hadn't been made so public, but it had been, and there was nothing he could do about it. Skwisgaar worsened it to the point of humiliation whenever he said goodnight to Toki.

Since it was too late to go out for ice cream and hookers, he was both horny andmoody as he hugged the other guitarist and mumbled, "At least _yous _gets some sex tonight."

The Norwegian's face blazed as he retorted, "Shuts up, Skwisgaar! You don'ts knows nothing!"

He chuckled. "Uh, ja, I dos. I knows 'dat you ammnest going to be horribles and Pickle will probably break up with yous after it ams done. Seriously. You can't even _kiss _rights."

"I cans to!"

Skwisgaar patted him on his head and said, his voice full of derision, "Sures, Toki, sures. Whatever Pickle tells you." and he walked away, laughing madly. Making fun of Toki was something that he loved. Of course, he didn't realize how seriously the Norwegian took his words, because if he had he would've turned around and given him a halfhearted apology and a real goodnight hug.

He didn't _hate _Toki, just thought of him as a little brother—a little brother who he loved to make fun of. The only problem with this was that in turn, Toki thought of Skwisgaar as his older brother and took every single word he said to heart.

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**Chapter 5, Part 2**

**Making Memories **

Pickles walked slowly with Toki, holding his hand tightly. The Norwegian was looking down at his feet, his pale blue eyes distant. His hand was shaking as he asked, "P-Pickle?"

"Yeah?"

"We's going to dos it tonight?"

"Well if you don't _want _to-"

"Ja, sures."

Sure? Was that really all he had to say? Pickles swallowed and pressed closer to the guitarist, trying to let him know that there wasn't anything to be scared about. Toki peered over at him and gave him a little smile, but it quickly disappeared as he looked back down. He took a deep, unsteady breath and suddenly he was crying, hugging Pickles very tightly and weeping, "Pickle, I haves never done nothing like this before, and I'm so nervous..."

"It's okay, we don't gotta do it tonight. We can-"

"But I _wants _to, it's just that...that..."

Pickles smiled and kissed him. "If you wanna do it, then what's the problem?"

Toki met his gaze and shrugged sheepishly. "I just...I feels sick, likes my stomach ams in my throat or somethings."

"It's fine, really. Just relax."

"But I—what ifs I don't know what to do?"

"You will."

"But how you _know?"_

Pickles just took his hand and started walking to his room again. "Come on. It's gonna be okay. I'll take care of you; I promise."

Toki nodded and followed Pickles, trying to get his heart to stop racing. "I...I don'ts know...wills you not likes me no more if I don'ts fuck you?"

"What? You idiot, of course I'll still like you."

"Oh. That ams good."

"Yeah, just come on." As they approached his door Pickles turned around and scooped Toki up into his arms. "If we're gonna do 'dis, we're gonna do it right." He walked over and gently laid Toki on the bed. "We're gonna go slow, don't worry."

Carefully the drummer removed the Norwegian's shirt, sighing in content as the guitarist's muscled torso flexed. Toki's whole body was rigid with nervousness as Pickles kissed him. "Pickle-"

"Huh?"

Toki was staring at him, gripping the sheets of the bed with balled fists. "I ams...really kind of..."

"Okay, 'dats fine." He leaned down on his elbows and repositioned himself so that he was directly above Toki. Without hesitation, he lowered his head and kissed him, just like he had before in the hall earlier that day.

The drummer felt the Toki's hands running along the small of his back and abruptly ended the kiss before a moan could escape his lips. "Ams I doing it right?" Toki breathed heavily. "Touching you like this?"

"No, it's good."

"You ams going to touch me?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm gonna..."

He really didn't want him to knowwhat he would do to him, so the drummer just threw off his shirt and let Toki's hands wander aimlessly around his skin while he struggled to unbuckle the Norwegian's belt. "You can'ts do it." Toki said, indicating his belt and smiling.

"Y-Yeah I can."

Truth be told, he was getting to be just as nervous as the guitarist. Toki smiled and undid his belt. Very soon they were lying together perfectly naked, and the Norwegian was huddled in Pickles' arms. "Pickle, you know sex ams something special?" he asked as the drummer hugged him close.

"Huh?"

"I...I just don'ts know...I never done it with no one before, but I just knows it ams supposed to be real special; a way to bring peoples together..."

"Yeah, I get 'dat." he responded.

Toki swallowed and added, "So if yous just don't really loves me, then-"

"But you're my Toki, right?"

He nodded. "Ja."

"Then trust me. I wouldn't hurt you like that."

"Okays...I'm still a little nervous."

Pickles pulled away and kissed him one last time. "Relax. The worst part's over." he looked down at Toki's sweating, muscular frame. It was perfect, yet flawed by the cuts and bruises that were still just beginning to heal. Pickles peered at his own chest and saw that he was in no better shape, and that he had a large cut in almost the same place as Toki—across his chest, over where his heart beat. It was stitched up cleanly, but it could still it could reopen so easily...

Suddenly Toki was reaching up, running his fingers along the neat stitching across Pickles' chest, smiling a little. His eyes shined in the small amount of light that illuminated the drummer's room. "It's funny..."

"What?"

"You and me—we matches." he pointed at his own wound and said quietly, "Like we was broken or somethings."

Being broken was an odd thought to say the least, but the truth was that Pickels hadn't really been whole before he fell in love with Toki. "Yeah, I guess we were busted or somethin'," he whispered thoughtfully.

Toki's small smile grew and he looked up into Pickles' green eyes. "But we matches. We fits each others."

"Yeah, we do."

"And we fixes each others."

He nodded. "Y-Yeah. I guess we do."

His voice had begun to shake. He had never known anyone person as beautiful as Toki in his entire life. It was so wonderful being with him, having him all to himself...having _his _Toki...

He was ready. Slowly he entered Toki, closing his eyes and letting a little moan pass his lips. The Norwegian immediately became ridged in his arms again, forcing Pickles to whisper in his ear, "Calm down, it's gonna be fine."

"It hurts little," he said back, trying to find a balance between the pleasure and the pain.

"Ssh," Pickles replied, kissing his neck. "Just ssh."

He didn't want it to be spoiled by talking; there didn't _need _to be any talking. This was something that was so wonderful, so incredible that it had to be experienced on its own. As Pickles entered Toki it was something so damn indescribable—he had never felt this with _anyone _before, and he had screwed a lot of people. There was something different about this, something special. Maybe it was the way Toki arched his back and let Pickles' hands roam his body...maybe it was just Toki. The drummer had no clue.

Whatever it was, he'd never forget it in his whole life.

For Toki, the pain had melted away into a frenzy of ecstasy. He let his head fall onto Pickles' shoulder and his lips touch every inch of skin he could find. His hands tightly wound their way into the the drummer's hair. Once he found breath, he whispered, "I ams doing okay? Good?"

"Ssh,"

Toki let out a loud moan and said thru gritted teeth, "Gods, Pickle!"

"Toki, I...I..." _I love you, _he thought. 

The Norwegian reached up and wrapped his arms around the drummer's neck. "I ams good for you? You likes it?"

Pickles began panting. "Fuck yes..."

"You touch me, Gods, please?"

It took a moment for Pickles to realize that Toki was actually _asking_ to be touched. Of course he complied; in an instant he had a hold on the guitarist's erection and was stroking it quickly, trying in desperation to make him climax. Somehow he finally found the will to say, "I love you."

Toki's whole body became limp in Pickles' arms as he released himself, panting and moaning in desire. The drummer let out a hiss and he gripped Toki's hips so tightly that his nails cut into his soft skin...

"Love you, Gad, so fuckin' much," he cried, feeling the guitarist's lips begin kissing him all over—his face, his neck, his chest. He let himself go, encouraging Toki to let out a loud cry and fall back into the mattress.

"Feels good," was all he could say as the drummer stared down at him."I feels shaky."

"I-It's okay," Pickles responded as he laid down next to Toki and hugged him. "You're just tired."

"Pickle?"

"Y-Yeah?"

"What you just say? What you just says when you was fucking me?"

Pickles arched a brow. "Whadda mean what'd I say?"

"Abouts you loves me."

"I...yeah, I do."

Toki grinned, his face tired and his eyes half closed. His long hair hung in limp strands, plastered to his face with sweat. He leaned forward and kissed Pickles before saying softly, "I loves you too."

The drummer just closed his green eyes tightly and hugged Toki closer, trying to assure himself that this was real and not some kind of euphoric fantasy or that he was just high or drunk...he wasn't. He was just in love for the first time in his life, and now he really wasn't ashamed to acknowledge it.

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****A/N****

**Hope you liked this story, because it was fun to type. Sorry it took a few days to upload. I'd planned to do it right after putting up the previous chapter, but I started _another _Pickles/Toki story, one titled _Unlovable, _and sorta lost track of things...anyways, like I said, I hope you liked it. **

**Peace & Love. **


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